3 weeks ago, we were told the devastating news. In my right fallopian tube there was a 3cm mass with with no embryo/heartbeat. I was told the mass in the tube consisted mainly of fluid and this should be absorbed into the body. I was sent home with medication for rest.

The lost of Charlie (my EP) and the potential lost of my tubes hurt more than I could even have imagined. I feel such a failure, having let down my fianc and my family who could have enjoyed a child if I had been able to carry him/her properly - if my body had functioned the way it was supposed to.

I am also very angry with myself; I can not express my emotions of loss and heartache for Charlie as I did for Joey and Jamie. I cant cry, shout or even smile for what had been for fear of my future fertility. I find myself locking my nearest and dearest away. I had so much to say but dont know where to begin.

To top it off, my fianc and I had the do we try again chat. I was devastated to learn he doesnt want to try again. He feels the timing is off and I dont understand why. He has never been a great talker which has only added to the pain. I would love to talk to my family but I feel I cant. I have 4 family members in hospital and I dont want to slow there recovery with my emotions.

Can anyone out there understand the emotions I am going through? I get the feeling from friends they dont really want to talk about it. They ask if I'm ok hoping I will say yes or Im doing better. The truth of it is, Im not.

Sorry for the essay, I needed to post this to people I know understand my feelings. Thanks for listening.
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Tiny footprints on our hearts. Our 3 tiny angels lost to heaven............never forgotten.

Joey M/C April 03 @ 10 weeks
Jamie M/C July 05 @ 14 weeks
Charlie EP May 06 @ 9 weeks